Writing and Reviews

I've been writing a fan made fiction for over a few months now and I'm pretty proud of my progress even if my literary talent isn't that fantastic. It's a fanfic about Kyouya Ootori and Haruhi Fujioka from the Ouran High School Host Club anime series. I really love this couple to bits because it's complicated and fun to write.

"And Then We Meet Again" is my first multi-chapter fanfic. To tell the truth I had attempted to create multi-chapter fanfics before but failed because of my fear of being 'not good enough'. Well I kicked my fears and reasons to the curb and plowed on forward to write my story. I feel great that a lot of people appreciated my story. It already has 80 reviews for only 8 chapters, which is a feat in itself since this is the first time I had a fanfic with that much reviews.

Although getting reviews can also become a crutch. I've realized that I've been checking and re-checking my e-mail just to find out if I have a new review. I really need to remind myself that I am writing not just for reviews but also for myself. I have made a vow to finish this fanfic no matter how long it may take. I've got a lot of ideas still brewing in my mind. It's probably going to take 20+ chapters before this one is finished. All the cards aren't laid out yet but I'm doing my best.

I realized the best way to write is to write a little each day and to edit, edit and edit more. My fear of writing stemmed from the fact that I couldn't produce perfect literature. I don't know why but I have this innate fear of mistakes. But then I found the beauty of editing. It feels so good to edit and re-structure sentences or paragraphs.

I have also reminded myself time and time again not to compare my fanfic to others. The truth in life is that there will always be someone better than you and someone whom you are better than. So I try to stop myself from reading other KyoHaru fanfics and just focus on my own fic. I do read fics from other anime series to get some ideas. Like Dragonball Z (my hidden guilty pleasure, Phoenix Wright (Oh god I love NaruMitsu and KlEma A LOT), Final Fantasy VII (Vincent x Tifa because they are sooo right for each other) and even the occasional Harry Potter fic.

Anyway, I am quite in a stump as to how to start Chapter 9. I wanted it to be better than Chapter 8, although I was quite surprised that people loved Chapter 8 as it is. Anyway, I want to challenge myself and do better in the next chapter. I know I can do it! I can do it! I'll push myself until I'll be able to create a really nice chapter 9.
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I want to draw again but the same old fears crop up. I want to challenge myself though. I know that I wouldn't be able to stay like this forever. I need to face my fears head on just like I did with writing. Maybe I should do it one step at a time.

SNSD - Run Devil Run

Well, the song has finally been released. Since I'm more interested in the music than the girls anyway so I'm going to focus on reviewing the song first.

I actually like the song. Although, I feel a bit off since it's not original. The song was initially done by an American artist named Ke$ha but was not released to the public. Okay, fine, SNSD might have bought the rights for the song but they should have tried to do something original. They do have songwriters right? Why can't they work their butts off and do something creative for once? Or maybe they should've created a new version of the song and not created something so strikingly similar.

I have compared Ke$ha's version and SNSD's and there is hardly a difference. I think I like Kesha's version better since it's more gritty and has more personality. The problem with SNSD's version is that it's like a karaoke version of the song with more people singing it. It's also a problem that I can't point out who sang what part of the song. This reminds me of my
desire of seeing SNSD split into two groups. What's the use of having nine girls when they sound almost all the same? I mean, Ke$ha's a solo artist and she can deliver the song better than SNSD.

All in all, I actually like the song itself. It has a nice beat and melody. It's the first song from them that doesn't make my ears bleed. But the thing is the song itself is really good so it's a given that SNSD's cover will sound good.

Anyway, Ke$ha's version will be the one that shall go into my ipod. Sorry SNSD but she did it better.

SNSD Black Soshi Concept + Photoshoot

OMG FINALLY! After my rant two days ago I feel as if my prayers has been answered. I watched their new MV teaser and its fierce! Not in the 2ne1 fierce way but still... it's FIERCE! That's what I call sexy. These girls should stick to this rather than the cute crap. Own it! Flaunt it! Do your thang!

I think I'll like them better with this music video. I can't wait to see the whole thing. I'm still on a 50/50 basis when it comes to SNSD. A part me hates them for their image, and a part of me loves their music (well some of it... since I hate GEE with a passion). So maybe with this I might be able to appreciate them as a whole.

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I'm having a photo shoot with my friends this coming Saturday and I am so excited! It's been a long time since I had met Kimay, Sharky, JC and Galer. I don't know if Zena would be able to come with us but hopefully she will.

I actually miss dressing up and taking photos so I'm really excited for this.

Jokwon - Gain Adam Couple: My Guilty Pleasure

We Got Married is a Korean variety/reality show that pairs up two celebrities in a fake marriage. I never really watched the show until a friend of mine introduced me to this couple and I became an instant fan since episode 1.

Jokwon and Gain are so compatible that sometimes its just hard to remind myself that it's a fake marriage. They've got the chemistry, the cute bickering and the moments that makes me melt into a sweet goo. What I admire about this couple is that they act natural to their personality. I don't feel any 'fakeness' towards the way they act towards each other. Sometimes they feel awkward towards 'skinship'. Sometimes they get angry at each other. Sometimes they smile and blush in the cutest way.

I love how Jokwon's childish playful personality complements Ga-in's. They act childish sometimes but its cute. I hope that WGM keeps them on the show for a very long time. __________________________________________

Being Myself

Who am I?

Once I was a child who was bullied. A child who wanted so much to fit in that she twisted herself in order to be what other people wanted her to be.

I am no longer that child. No longer someone who just follows others. I am proud that I have a sense of who I am. A sense of individuality.

I am not perfect but its okay because I learn more through my mistakes. I am not the prettiest but its okay, because I am beautiful in my own way. I am loving and I see the world through bright eyes.

Although sometimes I still battle with my demons. I still battle with insecurities that tell me 'You are not beautiful enough', 'You are not this or that'. But its okay as long as I remember who I am and what I am.

I love myself because I have a strength to defy others. I love myself because I can freely express my emotions. I love myself because I don't give a damn. And I'm proud of it.

I am who I am. I am proud of who I am.

Girl's Generation: Why I can't seem to like them as a whole even if I wanted to try

Girl's Generation (Better known as So Nyeo Shi Dae or SNSD) is one of the most popular girl groups in Korea. Since I'm relatively new to the Kpop fandom, at first I didn't know anything about the group.

I found out about them when a friend of mine posted a music video for their song 'Oh!' on her blog. Since I'm not a big fan of music videos (Yes, I'm weird. I just like plain music and not watching videos) I tried to listen to their songs. To tell the truth I loved some songs like Genie (Tell me Your Wish), Kissing You, I want to Dream with You, and Thinking of Only Good Things. The vocals are so-so but it's alright since I love those songs' melodies anyway.

After listening to songs I decided to watch a video of theirs. I started with their newest release 'Oh!' and... dun dun dun... I started to dislike them a bit. Then I watched their other videos and started disliking them a little bit more.

I don't hate the group for the girls itself. What I hate most of all is their so called concept. What I hate is what they stand for and what kind of messages they are sending to girls of all ages.

1) The Fake Virginal Image
I really don't get it why they have to market themselves as cutsey girls when its totally fake anyway. Honestly, I don't mind cute. What I do mind is FAKE CUTE.

There is something so fake when girls who are obviously sexy and who are obviously wearing sexy clothes act like twelve year old giggling girls. Hot pants and long legs are not cute. Shit. If they want to sell sex then sell it as it is. Hell, I would've respected them even more if they just owned their sexiness. But hiding it under the veil of fake cuteness? Puh-lease! And to think that most of these girls are adults already and past the minor age.

Darlings, you are all pretty and sexy. Own it! Flaunt it! Do your thing!

And one more thing... ACT YOUR AGE!

2) Their Image Cater Solely for the Likings of Men
The hot pants, mini skirts, showing of belly buttons, suggestive innuendos in their lyrics... everything points to the direction of catering only for what men love. Sex. Sex. Sex. There is nothing wrong about being sexy. The difference is that these girls are being objectified as sex symbols and only as sex symbols. Yes, it is done under the veil of cute but the reality is they are selling sex and only for the kind that men likes.

There is no 'I am owning it because I know I am a hot confident woman and this is what I am'. All I see is 'I am sexy but I will hide it under the cuteness because submissive women is what men like'. It sickens me just how much they are objectified rather than liberated into type of women who are sexy but still have self-respect.

What I also don't like is that sometimes this image of theirs overshadows their talents. That's the reason why I'd rather avoid watching their videos and would rather listen to their music.

2) I can't Tell them Apart from Each Other
Honestly, when I first listened to SNSD songs I didn't know that they were a girl group composed of nine members. Hell, I thought they were only five or four like other girl groups out there. When I found out about that fact I totally said 'WHAT THE FUCK'.

This becomes a problem because I can't tell them apart. To me, they have no outstanding personalities. They seem to look and act like cookie cutter pretty girls. When I watch their MVs all I see are the same looking people with slightly different hair styles. That's all.

When I listen to their songs I couldn't even tell apart who's singing what part. I only realize that another one is singing when the voice quality suddenly goes down or up.

I bet they could even sing better if the group were broken into two halves. The girls' personalities might shine even more. But right now, whenever I watch their music videos all I see are factory made barbie dolls who dance at the same time. Which is a bad thing because I don't want to admire a person just because he/she is pretty.

So all in all:
SM Entertainment please change your marketing strategy for these girls. I honestly love some of their songs and had honestly tried to love them but their image just sucks big time. So kick that image to the curb and let these girls act like women with self-respect.

2ne1: The reason why I love them and why I respect them

Honestly, the first time I was introduced to Kpop I balked at it. I was used to listening to j-rock for so many years that the bubbly pop of Kpop practically effed me a lot. I was introduced to Big Bang first but it was 2ne1 who finally converted me into a kerkerfag (a term me and my friends use to describe someone who is addicted to Kpop). So here's the reason why I love 2ne1. Let me count the ways.

1) Music
I first fell in love with 2ne1 because of their music. It might sound weird but when I was shown a video of 'Fire' I actually hated it. But when I just plain listened to track I absolutely loved it. I love rock a lot but I'm actually a dance fanatic. I like songs with upbeat tempos and danceable beats.

I loved 'I don't care' too. It was totally a last-song-syndrome song and is so hard to get out of my head sometimes. I guess I loved their songs because they make me happy. Listening to 2ne1 brightens up my day.

2) The Message in their Music
2ne1's song 'I don't care' has a powerful message for all girls out there. It tells us to respect ourselves as women and not let boys off the hook when they cheat around. I respected 2ne1 a lot when I learned about what the song meant. I felt sick every time I had seen girls who cling to their boyfriends even if the assholes had plain out cheated on them. Knowing the meaning behind the lyrics gave me hope.

3) The Girls Themselves
Once I had passed through the initial stage of loving their music, I used google-fu and researched about the 2ne1 members. And wow, I was blown away by their pure talent and great personalities. I always have felt that these girls aren't FAKE. They are bad ass, quirky, funny, and real.

I knew before Dara from here stint here in the Philippines. To tell the truth, I wasn't impressed with her when she was here in the Phils but I actually got to like her when I learned more about her personality. From the videos showing her dorky self and her me2day, I think she is a dorky amusing girl who just loves to live life. And I respect that a lot.

Bom is really pretty and I just love her cuteness. Her cuteness is not the annoying kind but off the sweet and lovable kind. But what I love the most is her voice. She really has a wonderful voice that is nice to listen to.

CL and Minzy are the ones whom I admire the most. These girls are T-A-L-E-N-T-E-D. From dancing, singing, rapping and what not. They can do it and do it with style. It's true that they aren't your cookie cutter type of girls. Not the oh-so-pretty girls you often see in other kpop girl groups. But what sets them apart is that they are beautiful inside and out. They are beautiful because they are talented human beings not solely just because of physical attributes. They shine as individuals.

What I love about 2ne1 is that I can differentiate each and every one of them without being confused as to who is who. They all have different personalities and are unique in every way.

And I also love it that when they have fun it feels real and not faked. Even the energy that they show in their videos looks and feels real.

4) They Dare to Be Different
When the other girl groups go for fake cuteness they go fierce and fiery. When other girl groups are going for the 'black concept' they go the other way around and does oh so freaking colorful. They are FIERCE and have the attitude to be UNIQUE. 'Nuff said.

So these are the main reasons why I love 2ne1 as a whole. I love them. I respect them and I will support them all the way. Woot!

Saying Yes to Life

There are times when I feel that I am just a sailor in the middle of the ocean with no way to steer my boat. That's what I've always felt my life has been these past few years. I had no idea what I wanted in life. I often tell myself that I don't know what to do but I guess that's the part where I should change. I should change my thinking, my attitude towards life.

A few minutes ago the movie Yes Man was played on HBO. After I watched the movie I realized that most of the time whenever an opportunity comes my way I say "no". Thus the feeling that I haven't done much in my life comes in play. I had said no to a lot of opportunities. Most of the time its because I felt that I didn't have the capacity to do what should be done. I've stopped drawing because I thought I wasn't good enough. I've stopped playing the piano because I felt I wasn't good enough. I stopped doing some thing because I thought it didn't matter anymore. There even came a point in my life that I thought it doesn't matter if I do something because in the end everything fades and changes anyway.

Because of this kind of thinking I've missed out a lot in my life. I am afraid, oh so afraid, that sometimes this fear literally freezes me.

But I can't be afraid all my life. There will come a time when I need to say "yes" to life. There will come a time when I need to face my fears. Where I need to tackle it and push it to the ground. Where I need to gather my courage. And I think that doing this will allow me to find happiness. It will allow me to feel happy about who I am and what I am.

So right now I will say "yes" to life. I am making a covenant with myself to say "yes" to opportunities. It will not be a walk in the park since I'm used to saying no and keeping myself in my comfort zone but I want to learn to live life to the fullest.